I’m a Wanna Be
After watching CNN’s “Black in America”, I’ve come up with several thoughts. Numero Uno—they didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. Numero Dos, I think the only people who watched this are people already in the “know”. On Wendy Williams syndicated talk show a caller said “if they wanted Black people to view they shouldn’t of put it on cable—Black people don’t have cable”. I disagree homeboy, we can have no hot water, rent late– but Comcast or the Satellite folx are either paid or being pilfered by my people. Yall were watching UPN re-runs or BET, when this aired instead.
With that saying—I do not want to come across as a nose in the air uppity negro—I am from poverty—born, raised and embellished and embedded in the ghetto. Schooled in the projects—I’ve been homeless– as in shelter and hospital lobby living until we got kicked out– homeless. I know not of an immediate family member that has not been incarcerated. But I am now a “wanna-be”. We’ll address that later.
Before I address my wanna-be status, I want to address the fact that besides the kabillion reasons we as a people do not get to where we need to be is: because we start where we do. If you have an effed up upbringing, in an effed up scholastic system, you are either going to be effed up– or a struggling member of this effed up social economic system. It’s a simple as that,–black or white—that’s what you get.
As far as the black male dichotomy- if all you know to achieve success is to hustle—you hustle. Your father hustled, your cousins hustled, your homeboys hustle, almost nobody in the hood says it’s wrong to hustle—so, you hustle.
Right and wrong is relative—in my hood, it was semi-wrong to sell drugs, yet it was more imperative to support your household. So that’s semi-wrong versus hero of the family– as a teen- everybody looked the other way. Why? Because we had been down so long—narrow meals, no hot water, late mortgage—until: “Lil A “got a few thousands dollars!”
The problem is even as money came in- this became a profession. And as in any profession– it is passed to younger partakers. So we as black folx pass on a history of illicit activities to our youth—whereas our counterparts pass on anything from rehabilitating used tires to real estate—we only know what we know. And that usually is something that will not benefit us in the long run.
It’s hard to be shit when you come from shit. I love my parents and everything—but they came from shit. My family can yell and scream as much as they want—but we weren’t shit. My parents independently decided that they were going to be some shit. And separately they did that. My mom sold my birth home and bought a Lincoln Continental and dated a lawyer and my dad after prison became a Dentist and entrepreneur. OK now yall the shit, problem is—your children still aren’t shit.
My children gonna be the shit because, I don’t partake in this cycle of nothingness—my children will be the shit. My daughter has skipped so many grades I have to consider to keep her back.
The reality of the matter is—we were all the shit—every one of us, we never had the drive—the opportunity to be the shit—we are the shit! We’re making over 100K, we’re making movies, we’re living a non-felonious lifestyles, we’re raising children—we’re even attempting to bring fellow peers out of the lifestyle.
Fuck what you may think—we the shit!
Part Deux
I am where I am at. I’m here because I’m a “wanna-be”. I don’t want to be white or want to be anything but what I am. I’m a wanna-be because I saw people living—without fear of being evicted, without fear of being killed, without fear of being arrested. I wanted that. Fuck a color, creed, socio-economic-status, gender, lifestyle—I wanted to be me, and a I jumped through the hoops to be a wanna-be—I wanna-be living, I wanna-be not locked up, I wanna-be not shot at, I wanna-be a home owner, I will still be that muthafucka from North Philly—your brother—your homey– but all in all—moreover everything—I will be who I want god people to aspire to be—me.
Bottom line CNN and black folx—we are all you made us out to be. There were no black people on the mayflower—we were brought here for a purpose. Until the residual effects of slavery wear off—things will not change—and that will never happen. Even after change comes. And OB’08 is the start. Vote and Please save your children.